In the beginning, God created heaven and earth.
Then God said, "Let there be light."
Shortly thereafter God was in receipt of a notice to show cause why he shouldn't be cited for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary planning permit for the project, but was stymied by a Cease and Desist Order for the earthly part. At the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first place.
He replied that he just liked to be creative.
Officials immediately demanded to know how the light would be made.
Would it require strip mining? What about thermal pollution?
God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire, and provisional approval was granted with the proviso that no smoke would result.
The authorities demanded the issuance of a building permit, and (to conserve energy) required that the light be left off half the time.
God agreed, saying he would call the light "Day" and the darkness "Night."
Officials replied that they were only interested in protecting the environment, not in semantics.
God said, "Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many seed."
The EPA agreed, so long as only native seed was used.
Then God said, "Let waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may fly over the earth."
Officials pointed out this would require approval from the Department of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Audubongelic Society.
Everything went along smoothly until God declared that he intended to complete the project in six days.
Officials informed God it would take at least 200 days to review his many waiver applications and environmental impact statements. After that there would have to be a public hearing, and then there would be a 10-12 month probationary period before....
At this point, God created Hell.
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Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Another forwarded email
From a friend known only as Darth Kelvin, have a laugh. Yes, it's not quite biblically correct...
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6 comments:
“In The Beginning” Our Father said,
“Let There Be Light, and There Was Light”
“Let There Be Light!”
“The Beginning of The Creation of GOD!”
And the revelation that The Messiah received of Our Father, and gave unto the apostle John, bore witness to The Truth that The Messiah, was "The Beginning of the Creation of GOD(Our Father, Creator of ALL)”! (Rev 1:1, 3:14)
And The Messiah bore witness to His Brethren when He testified, “My GOD is your GOD and My Father(Creator) is your Father(Creator).” (Jn 20:17)
The Messiah testified “I have sent My angel to you with this testimony for the assemblies. I am the root and the offspring of David. I am the bright Morning Star(Light)”! (Rev 22:16) ) Peter testified, "We have the more sure word of prophecy; and you do well to take heed, as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns, and The Morning Star(Light)arises in your hearts."(2Pt 1:19) "But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, HIS own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of HIM who called you out of darkness into His marvelous Light."(1Pt2:9) And the evening(darkness) and The Morning (Light) was the First Day).” (Gen 1:5)
“The Beginning of The Creation of GOD”!
It is very important to both know and experience The Messiah as He Is, Was and always Will Be, and also to know the "glory He had with Our Father" before He was born in "the likeness of sinful flesh". (John 17:5, Rom 8:3) For what The Messiah Was and Is, Is that which He will always Will Be. “The Only Begotten Son” of “Our Father”!
First, let me simply state that I do not believe the "catholic” and “christian" theo’ry’logical doctrines concerning “The Only True GOD, Father ALL”. For they “image”ine a three-headed “god" they call their “trinity”, or they declare their “christ” to be their “god and father", or they believe that The Messiah was but an exalted messenger(angel) or prophet.
John The Baptist testified, “And I saw, and bare record that The Messiah is the Son of GOD(Our Father).”(John 1:34)
Peter testified, “You are The Messiah, The Son of The Living GOD(Father of ALL)”!(Matt 16:16)
And the Ethiopian eunuch testified, “I believe that The Messiah is The Son of GOD(Our Father)”. (Acts 8:37)
“Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the Heavens, The Messiah, The Son of GOD(Our Father), let us hold fast our profession.” (Heb 4:14)
“These things are written so that you might believe that The Messiah is The Son of GOD(Our Father)”. (John 20:31)
The Messiah testified that He was “The Son of GOD”, and that His GOD was “The Only True GOD(Father of ALL)”.(John 10:36,17:3) And The Messiah also testified that He was the “Son of man” and “The Light of the world”.(Matt 26:64,John 8:12)
It is needful to believe that The Messiah Was, Is and always Will Be "The Son of The Living GOD", and that there is but “One GOD, HE WHO is Father of ALL”. (Mat 16:16, Eph 4:6)
The Messiah bore witness to His Brethren when He testified after being “raised from among the dead”, “My GOD is your GOD and My Father(Creator) is your Father(Creator)” (John 20:17)
Is The Messiah’s GOD and Father your GOD and Father?
Who are The Brethren of The Messiah?
“Let There Be Light”
Once again, It is very important to both know and experience The Messiah as He Was, Is and always Will Be. The Messiah simply testified in John 17:5 "And now O Father, glorify Me with YOUR own self with the glory that I had with YOU before the world began”.
Prior to that testimony The Messiah had testified, “Yet a little while is The Light with you. Walk while you have The Light, lest darkness comes upon you: for he that walks in darkness does not know where he goes. While you have Light, believe in The Light, that you may be the children of Light.” (John 12:35-36)
And the apostle John testified: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with GOD, and The Word was GOD. (John did not testify that The Word is GOD)The same was in the beginning with GOD. All things were made by Him, and without Him was not any thing made that was made. In Him was Life; and The Life was The Light of men. And The Light shined in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. There was a man sent from GOD, whose name was John. The same came for a witness, to bear witness of The Light, that all men through Him might believe. He(John the baptist) was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light. That was the True Light, which enlightens every man that comes into the world. He(The Messiah) was in the world, and the world was made by Him, and the world knew Him not. He came unto His own, and His own received Him not. But as many as received Him, to them He gave power to become the sons of GOD, even to them that believe on His name: Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of “The Only True GOD, Father of ALL”." (John 1:1-13)
It is needful to realize that The Messiah testified of “The Only True GOD” in John 17:3, and so it is that The GOD and Father of The Messiah IS, WAS and always WILL BE “The Only True GOD”.
“The Only True GOD” is “Father of ALL”!
And “The Father of ALL” is “Our Father”, HE WHO IS “The Only True GOD” and Father of The Messiah and His Brethren.
And the apostle John testified in John 3:17-21: “For Our Father sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through Him might be saved. He that believes on Him is not condemned: but he that believes not is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of GOD(Our Father). And this is the condemnation, that Light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than Light, because their deeds were evil. For every one that does evil hates The Light, neither comes to The Light, lest his deeds should be reproved. But he that does Truth comes to The Light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in GOD(Our Father).”
In John 12:34 the people asked, “Who is this Son of man? Then in John 12:35-36, “The Messiah said unto them, yet a little while is The Light with you. Walk while you have The Light, lest darkness come upon you: for he that walks in darkness does not know where he goes. While you have Light, believe in The Light, that you may be the children of Light. The Messiah spoke these things, and departed, and hid Himself from them.”
Simply, "In The Beginning" The Only True GOD spoke The Word, "Let There Be Light", “And there was Light”! “And there was evening(darkness) and there was morning (Light), The First Day”. (Gen 1:5) Certainly such “Light” was not "natural" light, for “natural” light, the sun, moon, and stars were not created until the “fourth day”. (Gen 1:14-19)
"In the beginning", “The First Day”, The Father of All created "The Light", without which Creation and Life, as we now know and experience it, could not have been.
The First Day, “The Light”, The Messiah, "The beginning of the Creation of GOD (HE WHO is The Only True GOD and Father of ALL)”! (Gen 1:3, Rev 3:14, John 17:3, Eph 4:6)
And “The Only True GOD” created all “things” by, through, and for “The Light”, The Messiah, “The Son of The Living GOD” and “Son of man”. (Col 1:15, Eph 3:9, Mat 16:16, Mat 12:32)
And "The True Light which enlightens every man coming into the world", was born as a child destined to be The Messiah. (John 1:9, Mat 1:21)
The Messiah, “The Light of the world”.(John 8:12, 9:5)
The Messiah, "The firstborn of every creature (all creation)".(Col 1:15)
The Messiah, “Begotten of Our Father”, "The firstborn among many Brethren".(Heb 1:5,Ps 2:7,Rom 8:29)
The Messiah, "A servant of The Only True GOD(Father of ALL)".(Isa 42:1-7)
The Messiah, “The Lamb of GOD”.(John 1:29,36)
The Messiah, "The firstborn from among the dead".(Col 1:18)
Once again: "In The Beginning" Our Father, “The Only True GOD” spoke: "Let there be Light, and there was Light"! The Messiah, "The Beginning of the Creation of GOD", "the firstborn of every creature (all creation)". (Gen 1:3, John 17:3, Rev 3:14, Col 1:15)
Thanks Be To “Our Father”!
The Messiah, The Creation of "The Only True GOD, Father of ALL"!(Rev 3:14)
The Messiah, "made so much better than the angels"!(Heb 1:4)
The Messiah, "The Light of the world"!(John 8:12, 9:5)
“The Lamb of GOD”, “The Light of The New Heavenly Jerusalem”!(Rev 21:22-23)
Paul experienced “The Light “ on the road to Damascus. “And it came to pass, that, as I made my journey, and came near unto Damascus about noontime, suddenly a great Light from Heaven shone round about me. And I fell unto the ground, and heard a voice saying unto me, Saul, Saul, why do you persecute Me? And I answered, "Who are You, Master"? And He said unto me, I am Yehowshuwa’ (Yahshua, Joshua) of Nazareth, Whom you persecute. And they that were with me saw The Light, and were afraid; but they did not hear the voice of Him that spoke to me. And I said, "What shall I do, Master"? And He said unto me, arise and go into Damascus, and there you shall be told all things which are appointed for you to do. And when I could not see for the glory of that Light, I was led by the hand into Damascus.” (Acts 22:6-11)
Paul also testified, “At midday I saw in the way a Light from Heaven, ABOVE THE BRIGHTNESS OF THE SUN, shining round about me and those who journeyed with me. And when we were all fallen to the earth, I heard a voice speaking unto me, and saying in the HEBREW tongue, Saul, Saul, why do you persecute Me? It is hard for you to kick against the pricks.” (The Messiah could not have told Paul, “I am jesus” for He spoke in the “HEBREW tongue”)(Acts 26:13-14)
Paul saw “The Light” that was The Messiah and he was blinded(naturally, not Spiritually) for a time. Now when The Messiah was in the “likeness of sinful flesh”, born as “the Son of man”, He could only reflect “The Light”, liken unto the moon which but reflects the light of the natural sun.
“Let There Be Light”
The Messiah, “The Light of the world”!
And consider the natural light provided by the sun, which was Created on the fourth day. Does not the natural light of the sun reveal outwardly, all the earthly, natural things? Consider what happens when that which you thought was clean is exposed to the light of the sun? Is not the least outward particle of uncleanness readily seen in the light of the sun? And so it is with “The Light” that is The Messiah. For His Life, “The Life”, reveals and exposes all the uncleanness in “our” life, the life that is of “our” own creation, which is the “I(ego, id)” in all of us, the product of “our” own vain “imag”inations! So it needs be that “The Light” penetrates deeply, even into the innermost recesses of the heart, “rightly dividing the soul and spirit”, exposing all the darkness that the "I" in all of us did not want to "see"!
Yet for such a cleansing to begin one must “experience The Messiah(The Light) and The Power that raised Him from among the dead”!(Php 3:10) Oh, there are many who know of a “messiah”, yet who has experienced “The Light”? For “The Light” was “The Beginning of Creation” both the old, which was natural and earthly and The New, which is of The Spirit and Heavenly. Those who “love this world and it’s things” yet desire that which “decayed, waxed old and vanished away” (Heb 8:13) They are of those “whose ‘god’ is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, for they mind earthly things”. (Phlp 3:19)
Sadly, those who “love this world and it’s things” yet love darkness more than The Light and they will abide in the darkness they loved forever ;-( (1John 2:15, John 3:19-20)
Sadder yet, systems of religion that are of this world, such as "catholicism", "christianity", "judaism", "islam", etc., have so perverted The Testimonies, that today, as in the two thousand or so, years gone by, "The Way of Truth is evil spoken of"! All because of the theo'ry'logical, heretical doctrines that are of men! And especially those theo’ry'logical doctrines which seek to define “The Only True GOD, Father of All”. (2Peter 2:1-2)
All such doctrines are but the product of mankind's "imag"ination and mankind's "imag"ination is destroying and perverting Creation(land, air, water, creatures, Light, Truth, Love, Peace, Joy, Hope, .etc.)
Yes, sadly ;-( Creation is being destroyed by self-willed men who could care less about that which is of The Truth(What Is, Was, and always Will Be), and care even less about those things which they can not comprehend apart from their "natural" senses and mental processes ;-(
And The Truth testifies, The Creator "will destroy those who destroy the earth(HIS Creation)" (Rev 11:18).
Sadly, in this wicked world, those who seek profit will naturally overcome those who do not ;-(
Yet, There Is Hope!
For The Life is of The Spirit!
And Miracles do happen!
And Faith rejoices against profit(greed) and theo’ry’logy(logic)!
Hope is there would be those who experience The Miracle that is receiving “a love of The Truth" for they will "see" "The Light". (2Thes 2:10, John 8:12, 9:5)
And they will receive peace, in spite of the dis-ease(no-peace) that is of this world, for they will clearly “see” that “The WHOLE world is under the control of the evil one”. (1John 5:19) And they will clearly “see” things as they are and not as "imag"inative, world-loving humans would have others believe them to be, for they will “see” The Light that is The Messiah……. francisco
ElderChild, I'm not even going to start refuting you. You know who you are; you belong to a cult. There's a reason theologians crystallized EARLY the doctrines of Christ's full deity and the Trinity, among other things. Back off the heresies.
please tell me which "cult" that is so i can go join up.
also, a "cult" is a system of religion so why would it be that you would know exactly which one i belonged too, if indeed i did?
peace, in spite of the dis-ease(religion) that is of this wicked world, for "the WHOLE world is under the control of the evil one" indeed and Truth....... francisco
Another definition of "cult", from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cult:
3. "A religion regarded as unorthodox or spurious; also: its body of adherents."
You said in your first comment: "First, let me simply state that I do not believe the "catholic” and “christian" theo’ry’logical [sic] doctrines concerning “The Only True GOD, Father ALL”. For they “image”ine a three-headed “god" they call their “trinity”, or they declare their “christ” to be their “god and father", or they believe that The Messiah was but an exalted messenger(angel) or prophet."
From this quote, in accordance with Quranic doctrines on Islam's perception of the trinity, you could quite easily be in full theological agreement with Islam. Yet you say: "Sadder yet, systems of religion that are of this world, such as "catholicism", "christianity", "judaism", "islam", etc., have so perverted The Testimonies, that today, as in the two thousand or so, years gone by..." Praytell, what "Testimonies" are these of which you speak? You claim to believe in the only true God - yet you deny, as the ancient heretics did, fundamental doctrines passed down by Christ and crystallized by the church fathers, especially the doctrines of Christ's FULL deity, the unperverted concept of the Trinity, and the fact that only Christ's PHYSICAL nature was created. As the Scripture says:
"Therefore, when He [Christ] came into the world, He said: 'Sacrifice and offering You [God the Father] did not desire, but a body You have prepared for Me." (Hebrews 10:5)
If you want to keep spreading your cultic (unorthodox, spurious) teachings, please do so on your own blog. If you comment here, I will take you to task.
so sad for you hannah ;-(
"take me to task"?
oh my, how 'd'evil spirit has it's way with you ;-(
quite obvious that you are held captive by the pagan cult they call "christian".
if three-headed "god's" are not pagan then it would difficult to define what pagan beliefs are.
thankfully i was "delivered out of the mouth of the lion", that lying, wicked, seductive beast that calls itself 'christianity';-(
i believe The Messiah IS The Son of The Living GOD!
Thankfully Our Father graciously received me into HIS Family, and so it is that soon, and very soon, i will be Home with my Father and HIS Son, my Brother, The Messiah, He Who was "the firstborn of many Brethren"!
All Thanks And Praise To Our Father!
peace, in spite of the dis-ease(religion) that is of this world and it's systems of religion, for "the WHOLE world is under the control of the evil one" indeed and Truth....... francisco
I'm sure you're sincere in your beliefs, but, as I've told you twice, here is not the place to air them.
"if three-headed "god's" [sic] are not pagan then it would difficult to define what pagan beliefs are."
This is a poor idea of the Trinity you've got here. Have you ever learned about the orthodox one?
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